five songs i've listened to every single day since i last updated this thing.

1. calexico - sunken waltz

2. okkervil river - song of our so called friends

3. the weakerthans - my favourite chords

4. alkaline trio - do you wanna know?

5. chuck ragan - california burritos

i can't believe it's taken me this long to organize my thoughts enough to write them down. i've been terrible at keeping track of things, i've been terrible at doing things lately. i just don't know what's going on and i feel like once school ends i'll be a lot better. things have been stressing me out. like this week, i have hundreds of pages to read and a little over 20 pages to write. the question is: what is the intent of modern philosophy? i've been considering writing the entire thing on bruce springsteen, but i'm not sure how that would work out.

this last semester of school i've tried to write papers that i actually enjoy writing. my paper for writing class is how myspace and other social networking sites have affected the music business and the public's concept of celebrity. i wrote another paper on why kanye west isn't a genius. i wrote something about the human brain. it's whatever.

i've found lately that life is generally better when you stick to doing things you love. i mean, i've always known that.. but lately i've been dragged down by a lot of STUPID THINGS. i need to stop being so crazy. i would like to blame this all on every english class i've ever taken and the need to analyze and compute every word someone says. sometimes you just need to take things for what they're worth and not worry that you're missing the real point. sometimes there's not a real point. if someone says they like you, then maybe they do (i understand that's bad grammar). maybe i need to stop thinking of reasons why they shouldn't. he shouldn't. whatever, english.

instead of thinking about words, i'm just going to think about feelings. the feeling of laying in bed and still being awake when the sun comes up. the feeling of tiredness that will last the entire next day. the feeling in your stomach when you hear the first few chords of "thunder road" on an acoustic guitar. the feeling of the possibility of a zombie attack, just so you can say you were prepared. (actually, in the event of a real zombie attack, i wouldn't know what to do. how do you kill something that's already dead?)

i like all of those feelings.

i like the feelings that i get listening to these five songs, which is why i've listened to them every day. right now, i'm listening to the version of "hey salty" from summer of the shark (portastatic!). i love listening to this song because: 1. it's so good. 2. it makes me feel so good. 3. i remember one night, dann texted me asking me to listen to it for him because his iPod was dead and he didn't have his computer. poor dann, he doesn't feel good. first it was the pink eye and now i think i gave him my tonsil disease. i'm currently working on a mix for him that we can listen to when we go home this weekend.. maybe that'll make it him feel better. going home this weekend will make me feel a lot better about everything. it will consist of a house party at brian's (also, brian called me today. had some good conversations. he's drumming in asher roth's music video tomorrow. fuck him for being awesome, but i'm glad we'll eventually be working together and taking over the world) and going to see alkaline trio! perfect feelings, perfect company, perfect weather.

hey salty, these days you might only haunt me, but it's okay. yeah, it's okay.

five cool things.

1. beard.

2. tattoos.

3. camera lens.

4. glasses.

5. bruce springsteen.

i get it, no one else may. anyway.. lately i've really been feelin' spring break. i haven't really spent the last three weekends here and it makes me sad, though the places i go make me happy. i've got family all over the place and it's taken me a few months to realize that. i went to dinner with dann tonight and there was a copy of the anthology of tom waits on tape sitting on the table. FOR ME. it made me really happy, and now i'm in a happy mood. happy and lucky. happy go lucky? happy AND lucky to have such good people in college with me. most importantly dann, it's crazy that we both ended up here. sort of crazy, anyway. i still remember visiting NYU with him when i was a SOPHOMORE. damn.

lately i've also written a lot of papers and read a lot of books. right now i'm "reading" hobbes leviathan. i say "reading" because i'm just reading the sparknotes. whatever. i just spent the last half hour or so (probably more) dancing around our room with manoa with glowsticks and all the lights off, dancing to a lot of rap with this awesome new york hat on. she had an atlanta hat on. north vs south, civil war status.

this has become my newest favorite picture. my best friends! broken down, helpless on 287. northbound. bound for less than jake and goldfinger. in reality, bound for a night of dave diange and hookah on my back porch. i think it may have rained. i remember sitting with my feet dangling into the pool talking with cait about everything that just fell apart. physically, emotionally, etc.

five things i'm slowly going to do.

1. organize my iTunes.

2. read all the books i never finished.

3. do work on time.

4. be outside more.

5. physically write in my journal more.

sometimes when i type too much, i feel like i'm going to get carpal tunnel. lately life has been packed. that's all. just packed. this weekend was amazing, i did a lot of fun things and went to a lot of good parties (sig ep/chip style, sip ep/bolton style, uptown). i'm hanging o

ut with someone more often and it's making me feel really good. i hope the feeling is mutual and not awkward. because there's always that awkward period of friendship when you can't tell if you're trying to hard and if the person doesn't mind you trying. you know? i know. i also took on a small internship (three days) with an artist manager. i worked almost twelve hours and got really sick in the process, i think. too much with too little to show for it. i really never want to be a manager. shit. he said being a tour manager is still fun, but other than that.. nah. i agree.

ps: this is where i hope to be living this time next year...

five reasons i didn't stay up late last night, after all..

1. i have this terrible new fascination with "the secret life of the american teenager" and watched two episodes that made me tired.

2. i was tired.

3. i read for like two hours straight.

4. watching bruce springsteen for twelve straight minutes.. beautiful and exhausting.

5. i had to wake up at 8:15.

today i took that picture of alec's globe, which i thought turned out really good (the globe, not the picture.. even though that's alright, too). i got home from class/the library and just wanted to sleep.. it was really a wasted day up until right now. i really have to get things done. but i was taken back by a brian fallon cover of backstreets. and a ted leo cover of dancing in the dark.

sigh.

five bands i listened to last night that i like a lot more than i did two days ago.

1. the ergs!

2. arrogant sons of bitches

3. the mars volta

4. the long winters

5. smoke or fire

last night, for being an absolute (or should i say absolut...) trainwreck, was still awesome. i just watched the craziest two minutes of the superbowl. well, besides the halftime show. i was so pleased with bruce's set! 10th avenue freeze out?! who would have guessed?! born to run is a given, i was happy with glory days and working on a dream. i'm bored with reading, i want to paint. i hate homework! blahblahblah, i feel like writing something. i probably will later. i'm going to stay up late.

five apologies.

1. i'm sorry for never updating.

2. i'm still sorry.

3. still.

4. and still.

5. i'm terrible.

i really want to update this more. about things. like how awesome my winter break was or how i will start an art project tonight or how many new bands i listen to. by the way, i write every single week for college magazine. go to www.collegemagazine.com / look for "blogs" / look for "the 4-year-blog" / that's me.

i'm bad at keeping in touch. i need to send letters and mixes soon.

five christmas songs on the christmas list mix.

1. don't shoot me, santa - the killers (awesome)

2. this time of year - mighty mighty bosstones (personal favorite)

3. do they know it's christmas? - band aid (bono, you're beautiful!)

4. merry christmas, baby - bruce springsteen

5. i won't be home for christmas - blink 182

i really need alkaline trio to release a christmas album sometime. or even a "holiday" one, if christmas isn't their thing. i've been completely in the christmas spirit lately. hannah and i spent three hours baking cookies, listening to "baby it's cold outside", dancing and reading the new york look book. and then later on i got a nice text from someone that surprised me a bit but made me think that i wasn't the only one getting a little nicer. i've got to be awake in a few hours to start a weekend full of cramming for finals. 

"this time of year's my favorite time of year 'cause all of us are here together."