five songs that are good to hear when i'm angry.

1. the press corpse - anti flag

2. lax - big d and the kids table

3. pretty girls - against me!

4. psycho killer - talking heads

5. why don't you get a job - the offspring

i've been pretty angry lately because people have been quite bitchy. i miss my friends from home because no one cares and no one is a bitch and etc etc. i miss hanging out in my backyard or in parking lots or at the beach. i love new york city, but i miss having my best friends around (besides dann/he's still great). i want people to come visit me like every weekend. these next three weekends will be amazing. next weekend i'm going to DC to have fun at american university. megan is leaving, sarah may be leaving. i'll be staying with either sarah or jess and i'm excited for a night out in a different city with different people. the weekend after will be amazing. PHILLY. thursday night i'm staying with katy, friday night i'll be at SJU with katie/rachel, saturday night at matt/dale/[all the other people that live there]'s with CAIT. the weekend after that is thanksgiving break.. so hopefully someone will have a huge get-together. i may have to start planning that right now. yeah, so i have an essay to write and four copies of it to print by 8am tomorrow. fuck my life.

five reasons cmj is already awesome (and it's only day 1).

1. cluck klosterman and rob sheffield and dan kennedy reading last night.

2. getting to meet a lot of attractive bands to give them artist badges.

3. free stuff.

4. free $250 badge.

5. free shows!

except i've dedicated tonight (first night of cmj shows) to studying. how lame am i? but it's the only day i've got before my two midterms on thursday. sigh. i can't believe it's already 9:33 at night? i have a long, long day ahead of me tomorrow so i might actually go to bed early in order to wake up at 7am and go to class at 8am and do panels from 11am-6pm and possibly go to:

- margot and the nuclear so-and-so's at the bowery ballroom at 12:15am

- mirah at highline ballroom at 10pm

- COHEED AND CAMBRIA AT TERMINAL 5 AT 8. but i'll probably go over there right after my shift is over and not go to anything else. ha.

manoa, emily and i have started a "list of free and fun things to do" which will be taking up a lot of my normal useless time. some of them include: scrapbooking, selling hemp bracelets, sitting on a streetcorner one day, making a movie, scavenger hunt! yeah, so, that's all. got a letter today. it was sad but beautiful because the person i got it from is probably the strongest, most beautiful person that i know.

five awesome people that i have been or will be in close quarters with this october.

1. STEPHEN COLBERT.

2. john green!

3. hank green!

4. CLUCK KLOSTERMAN.

5. ROB SHEFFIELD!

i was lucky enough to go to a taping of the colbert report and learn that stephen keeps a fucking knife in his desk. how badass. i have a new found fascination with all things that are john and hank green. unfortunately, i've only read "looking for alaska" so far, but i want to be a part of everything it means to be a "nerdfighter". john signed my book with DFTBA (don't forget to be awesome) and i don't plan on forgetting that any time soon. and of course next week i'll be in the company of CHUCK AND ROB also known as the two greatest authors that i love the most. that sentence didn't really make sense, but it's all good. an abundance of awesome people just made their way into our room to watch the office (another new obsession).  thurmon brought back the book "learning to love you more" from LA and i plan on doing everything in it and blogging about it. one of my resolutions was to write in here more but right now nothing is making much sense so that might be how it goes from now on. i've forgotten a lot about this one guy who makes me not love myself, so that's where this will be going from now on. 

five long weekend accomplishments.

1. quality time with cait.

2. saw tom gabel half naked.

3. bought tickets to see CHUCK KLOSTERMAN AND ROB SHEFFIELD.

4. good night last night.

5. went home for less than 24 hours.

cait came at the perfect time this weekend and i was so glad to see her and get that little bit of summer back that i've been missing. but when she left it made me miss her and britt and EVERYONE so much more. i love college and all of the people i've met, but there's always that part of me that wants to go back to mid-july when i'd get off of work at midnight and drive down the shore and be on the beach until 2am and watch are you afraid of the dark? and scream really loud and talk about death metal with dale and matt. things like that.

against me! made me feel so so so fucking alive and stuff. they played "we laugh at danger and break all the rules" for their last song and everyone climbed on stage and tom put his guitar down and everyone sang. and everyone was real, real sweaty but it was nice. that chorus. god. everything about that song makes me happy.

this week is really short. only two days of class and then a really good weekend/next week. thursday night becca, connor and i are going to see john greene! friday night kelly is coming into the city and we're going to hang out and then i believe i'm going to adam's for oktoberfest II. although i'm not sure about this. i want to see a lot of the people there, but (...) i'm just not sure. i know if i go i'll be sad. saturday i'd have to come back super early for parent's day here at college. i'm excited to meet everyone else's parents and siblings. on sunday, taylor is coming in!!!! and i'm going to art museums and dinner with her! that's going to be a really fun day. much needed. much.

I NEVER THOUGHT MONDAY NIGHT WOULD BE POSSIBLE, BUT IT IS. i just bought tickets for the stories in high fidelity pre-cmj launch party!!!! which basically features chuck klosterman and rob sheffield in the SAME FUCKING PLACE AND TIME AND I'LL BE THERE AND IT'LL BE LIKE WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE. if that made any sense. i'm sooo excited for CMJ, but i need to find out about the two contests i entered so i can perhaps maybe get a free pass? but regardless, i'm volunteering at CMJ all next week! i'm doing a few panels and the info desk and get to be on club duty thursday night (though i'm not sure where i'll be yet). uuuugh, college needs to end now so i can get on with the rest of my life.

some other things need to end, as well. things that, once ended, will let me get on with the rest of my life. and i'm going to start posting in this everyday. even if it doesn't really say anything. 

five things i will do today.

1. take the 4 train for the first time.

2. go to the met (for the millionth time).

3. work on my writing paper.

4. pick up dana at penn station!

5. not care about people who don't deserve my time.

number 5 is TBD, sort of. i have come to two conclusions: (a) new york city changes people. (b) i didn't really know people that i thought i knew. i would like to think that (a) is the correct choice here and that once upon a time certain people were kind and caring individuals. it's hard, though, to just drop someone from your life that you honestly do care about. it's easier to drop them when they start treating you like shit, but it's still hard remembering that you deserve better. maybe i'm not making all that much sense, but in my head a lot of things are becoming more clear to me. it's that fresh new york city air! i will also credit the air for making me do more art and making me take more pictures. i've done a few sets of pixxx i've been remotely proud of. i've ventured into different mediums (watercolor!!! new favorite!!!) that i've found really neat. i bought a moleskin journal and try to write in it often. and i will try to write in here more, too.