five christmas songs on the christmas list mix.

1. don't shoot me, santa - the killers (awesome)

2. this time of year - mighty mighty bosstones (personal favorite)

3. do they know it's christmas? - band aid (bono, you're beautiful!)

4. merry christmas, baby - bruce springsteen

5. i won't be home for christmas - blink 182

i really need alkaline trio to release a christmas album sometime. or even a "holiday" one, if christmas isn't their thing. i've been completely in the christmas spirit lately. hannah and i spent three hours baking cookies, listening to "baby it's cold outside", dancing and reading the new york look book. and then later on i got a nice text from someone that surprised me a bit but made me think that i wasn't the only one getting a little nicer. i've got to be awake in a few hours to start a weekend full of cramming for finals. 

"this time of year's my favorite time of year 'cause all of us are here together."

five cool things about shooting parties.

1. gift bags.

2. free things.

3. attractive people.

4. DJ sets.

5. it's a party!

last night went well. i got to the star lounge around 6:30 and ended up leaving around 8:30 because i ran out of memory on my camera and it was getting incredibly crowded. there were 750 people on the guest list. highlight of the night was that i spoke to josh madden for a little bit and i took his picture. anyway: here are some shots.

five things i've done to procrastinate my term paper on beowulf.

1. called both my parents three times each.

2. read "on politics and ethics" and did another paper.

3. ate trail mix.

4. updated my flickr with new pictures.

5. cleaned my closet.

i really have no motivation to do this. in the meantime, i finished every other paper due this week but i can't start the one that will definitely take me the most time. tonight i have a really exciting night, something more exciting than a paper. i'm photographing the women in music holiday party at the star lounge under the chelsea hotel. josh madden (brother of joel/benji) is DJ-ing and iron fist is doing the gift bags, so i hope i get one. and there's free beers and snacks and fun and i just get to go around and take pictures of everything and everyone. sick. i hope it's not a problem that i'm not 21, since it's a 21 and over event. but i'm working and not partying, so whatever. yeah. life. i go home in ten days. weird, but i'm really really ready to go. not for any particular reason other than i miss people a whole lot and i want to wake up everyday for a month and not have to worry about homework.

five things i hate about winter.

1. it was 19 degrees today.

2. i can't feel my face when i go outside.

3. it's already dark at five pm.

4. snow and cars and me don't mix.

5. i feel like i've mentioned this before, but no good shows happen.

the end of the semester marks the beginning of winter. i haven't documented things in here for a while. i got a real journal and i'm starting to write in that more often, which is still good. anyway, the end of the semester also marks the beginning of pandemonium. this week i have the following papers due: 4 pages on persepolis, 10 pages on beowulf, 5 pages on the israel/palestine conflict, 3 pages on thomas aquinas. and then i start the actual studying.. tomorrow night i'm shooting a holiday party for "women in music". i feel really legit about this. it's at some fancy place and there will be fancy people there and i'll probably feel out of place. on thursday, cynthia and taylor and coming in for the night!! i am really excited about this. OH! i also spent friday night at the RUT with sarah and it was insane, insane, insane. like my life lately. i don't know if winter break is going to slow anything down. OH! i had a giant party at my house and my room got trashed but it's quite alright now. anything else that comes to mind? not really. my new years resolution, by the way, will be the same as last: more letters, more art, more writing, live better. i'm getting ahead of myself thinking about new years. i'm going to write something right now and then read things about baghdad/middle eastern things and then write about ancient christian shit and then sleep and wake up and do things with my life.

but winter can be really pretty and sometimes romantic but always pretty.

five realities.

1. i'm losing money at the speed of light.

2. i'm a terrible college student.

3. my car is completely ruined and has no collision insurance.

4. we have a new president! finally! :)

5. i'm going to start trying harder.

nyu has obviously always been my dream school. now that i'm here, i feel like i'm living that dream (duh). except i've been thinking in real terms lately and it might be better if i go somewhere else that won't leave me and my parents $200,000 in debt. it's scary to think about. yes, barack obama wants to change the country and make college affordable for everyone. that's great. the reality is this won't happen. he will not help me pay for college or make it more affordable or just start handing people money. i'm very sick of amanda lorber (from MTV's the paper) because her of her recent facebook status (ooh, technology). it says: "rebuild, rebuild, rebuild! thank you america!" and previously: "can't wait for president obama to start helping america put itself back together again" and my favorite: "doesn't mind if all the white supremacist, 'values' voting, pig-headed reds hightail it to canada".  i could go on forever about that last one.. but here's the deal: am i glad that we finally elected a black president? fuck yes. it says so much about our country. however, people can't expect him (they couldn't expect ANYONE) to just jump into the whitehouse and solve all of our problems. it takes time. it takes money. there is so much potential for obama because of the dipshit we've had running this for the last four years.. but he can't save the world. we can't start saving the world until we're all willing to work together to benefit all parties. we can't start saving the country if amanda lorber is going to call republicans "pig-headed" and "white supremacist". ugh.

but enough about politics, because i'm very apathetic to all of it. whatever happens, happens. long story short: i've been thinking about going to the new school because i could probably get more money there and take more classes that i want and feel like i'm getting a real education instead of reading the same books i read sophomore year of high school. i don't know. it depends on whether or not i get a JOB soon. i have to call virgin megastore today and start working there like 30 hours a week. i would. and then at fye this winter i would like to work a lot. atleast 15 hours a week. ugh.. money. why do you have to suck so badly?

but enough about depressing things! HALLOWEEN WAS SO GREAT HERE. THE ELECTION WAS EVEN BETTER. out until 3AM on a school night rioting. oh goodness, i never want to leave.

five songs that are good to hear when i'm angry.

1. the press corpse - anti flag

2. lax - big d and the kids table

3. pretty girls - against me!

4. psycho killer - talking heads

5. why don't you get a job - the offspring

i've been pretty angry lately because people have been quite bitchy. i miss my friends from home because no one cares and no one is a bitch and etc etc. i miss hanging out in my backyard or in parking lots or at the beach. i love new york city, but i miss having my best friends around (besides dann/he's still great). i want people to come visit me like every weekend. these next three weekends will be amazing. next weekend i'm going to DC to have fun at american university. megan is leaving, sarah may be leaving. i'll be staying with either sarah or jess and i'm excited for a night out in a different city with different people. the weekend after will be amazing. PHILLY. thursday night i'm staying with katy, friday night i'll be at SJU with katie/rachel, saturday night at matt/dale/[all the other people that live there]'s with CAIT. the weekend after that is thanksgiving break.. so hopefully someone will have a huge get-together. i may have to start planning that right now. yeah, so i have an essay to write and four copies of it to print by 8am tomorrow. fuck my life.

five reasons cmj is already awesome (and it's only day 1).

1. cluck klosterman and rob sheffield and dan kennedy reading last night.

2. getting to meet a lot of attractive bands to give them artist badges.

3. free stuff.

4. free $250 badge.

5. free shows!

except i've dedicated tonight (first night of cmj shows) to studying. how lame am i? but it's the only day i've got before my two midterms on thursday. sigh. i can't believe it's already 9:33 at night? i have a long, long day ahead of me tomorrow so i might actually go to bed early in order to wake up at 7am and go to class at 8am and do panels from 11am-6pm and possibly go to:

- margot and the nuclear so-and-so's at the bowery ballroom at 12:15am

- mirah at highline ballroom at 10pm

- COHEED AND CAMBRIA AT TERMINAL 5 AT 8. but i'll probably go over there right after my shift is over and not go to anything else. ha.

manoa, emily and i have started a "list of free and fun things to do" which will be taking up a lot of my normal useless time. some of them include: scrapbooking, selling hemp bracelets, sitting on a streetcorner one day, making a movie, scavenger hunt! yeah, so, that's all. got a letter today. it was sad but beautiful because the person i got it from is probably the strongest, most beautiful person that i know.

five awesome people that i have been or will be in close quarters with this october.

1. STEPHEN COLBERT.

2. john green!

3. hank green!

4. CLUCK KLOSTERMAN.

5. ROB SHEFFIELD!

i was lucky enough to go to a taping of the colbert report and learn that stephen keeps a fucking knife in his desk. how badass. i have a new found fascination with all things that are john and hank green. unfortunately, i've only read "looking for alaska" so far, but i want to be a part of everything it means to be a "nerdfighter". john signed my book with DFTBA (don't forget to be awesome) and i don't plan on forgetting that any time soon. and of course next week i'll be in the company of CHUCK AND ROB also known as the two greatest authors that i love the most. that sentence didn't really make sense, but it's all good. an abundance of awesome people just made their way into our room to watch the office (another new obsession).  thurmon brought back the book "learning to love you more" from LA and i plan on doing everything in it and blogging about it. one of my resolutions was to write in here more but right now nothing is making much sense so that might be how it goes from now on. i've forgotten a lot about this one guy who makes me not love myself, so that's where this will be going from now on. 

five long weekend accomplishments.

1. quality time with cait.

2. saw tom gabel half naked.

3. bought tickets to see CHUCK KLOSTERMAN AND ROB SHEFFIELD.

4. good night last night.

5. went home for less than 24 hours.

cait came at the perfect time this weekend and i was so glad to see her and get that little bit of summer back that i've been missing. but when she left it made me miss her and britt and EVERYONE so much more. i love college and all of the people i've met, but there's always that part of me that wants to go back to mid-july when i'd get off of work at midnight and drive down the shore and be on the beach until 2am and watch are you afraid of the dark? and scream really loud and talk about death metal with dale and matt. things like that.

against me! made me feel so so so fucking alive and stuff. they played "we laugh at danger and break all the rules" for their last song and everyone climbed on stage and tom put his guitar down and everyone sang. and everyone was real, real sweaty but it was nice. that chorus. god. everything about that song makes me happy.

this week is really short. only two days of class and then a really good weekend/next week. thursday night becca, connor and i are going to see john greene! friday night kelly is coming into the city and we're going to hang out and then i believe i'm going to adam's for oktoberfest II. although i'm not sure about this. i want to see a lot of the people there, but (...) i'm just not sure. i know if i go i'll be sad. saturday i'd have to come back super early for parent's day here at college. i'm excited to meet everyone else's parents and siblings. on sunday, taylor is coming in!!!! and i'm going to art museums and dinner with her! that's going to be a really fun day. much needed. much.

I NEVER THOUGHT MONDAY NIGHT WOULD BE POSSIBLE, BUT IT IS. i just bought tickets for the stories in high fidelity pre-cmj launch party!!!! which basically features chuck klosterman and rob sheffield in the SAME FUCKING PLACE AND TIME AND I'LL BE THERE AND IT'LL BE LIKE WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE. if that made any sense. i'm sooo excited for CMJ, but i need to find out about the two contests i entered so i can perhaps maybe get a free pass? but regardless, i'm volunteering at CMJ all next week! i'm doing a few panels and the info desk and get to be on club duty thursday night (though i'm not sure where i'll be yet). uuuugh, college needs to end now so i can get on with the rest of my life.

some other things need to end, as well. things that, once ended, will let me get on with the rest of my life. and i'm going to start posting in this everyday. even if it doesn't really say anything. 

five things i will do today.

1. take the 4 train for the first time.

2. go to the met (for the millionth time).

3. work on my writing paper.

4. pick up dana at penn station!

5. not care about people who don't deserve my time.

number 5 is TBD, sort of. i have come to two conclusions: (a) new york city changes people. (b) i didn't really know people that i thought i knew. i would like to think that (a) is the correct choice here and that once upon a time certain people were kind and caring individuals. it's hard, though, to just drop someone from your life that you honestly do care about. it's easier to drop them when they start treating you like shit, but it's still hard remembering that you deserve better. maybe i'm not making all that much sense, but in my head a lot of things are becoming more clear to me. it's that fresh new york city air! i will also credit the air for making me do more art and making me take more pictures. i've done a few sets of pixxx i've been remotely proud of. i've ventured into different mediums (watercolor!!! new favorite!!!) that i've found really neat. i bought a moleskin journal and try to write in it often. and i will try to write in here more, too. 

five reasons i don't update.

1. college.

2. homework.

3. classes.

4. clubs.

5. new york city.

i just feel overwhelmed by love, books and this city. i am overwhelmed by love in both senses of the word. i am in love with everyone i've met so far and the things that we've done. i am in love, still, with the people i came here with. and i am in love with somebody (maybe). i'm reading so many good textbooks as part of my curriculum. "it's so cool to be enlightened." right now, for example, i'm reading the quran. sort of. mostly i'm procrastinating reading the quran by updating this blog and listening to the loved ones.

there are so many things here to get involved with.

i don't know where to begin.

i would like to be more involved with sleep, though.

for starters.

five awesome things about NYU.

1. new york city.

2. my best friends/my new friends.

3. an awesome roomate.

4. the 15th floooooor!

5. hypnotists.

i love everything about here. college. you know, stuff like that. i'm not homesick, but i can't wait to start writing more letters and doing more art and maybe writing a few poems. this city lends itself to so much creativity. i haven't slept before 3am all week, but there's something comforting in my sleeplessness, because it reminds me of summer and being young. i get tired around 12:30 but get my second wind shortly after. i'm leaving here for the weekend, but i'm excited to return on monday and start my classes. i feel shitty because of something i haven't done yet (whoa, make that two things). but other than that.. life is good, also subtracting the fact that i definitely miss a lot of people from back home.

five things i just received from brianne!

1. vitamin water revive ("for hangovers").

2. chocolate chip cookies, chips ("for munchies").

3. top ramen ("so you don't go hungry")!

4. red bull ("for late night studying").

5. ultra ribbed troj ("for just in case ;)").

this college emergency pack was the greatest gift ever. it's so cute. there's even a mix to go along with it! how adorable. and cynthia gave me the cutest little picture collage with a note that made me cry. this is too weird. still, i'm not as sad as i feel i should be. i'm not sure when it will all "hit" me, but when it does.. i'm glad i have a few people to fall back on at my new home. i'm actually more grateful to have brian, dann, emily and becca than any of them understand.

the picture included is from boston! tonight i'm having a really romantic evening that consists of star-gazing, new york city, ben&jerry's, dashboard confessional.

five important 'college things' i still have to do.

1. buy bedding.

2. call the housing department about where i'm living.

3. buy school supplies!

4. pack up everything i own.

5. say goodbye.

and i'm going to add "buy 'time's up!'" as an honorary sixth thing to do. it's the greatest game i have ever played and i'll go out on a limb and say that about 1/3 of the time i've been awake in the last twenty four hours has been spent playing it. what else have i done?... i have been in boston and new hampshire for the last four days. that turned out to be a lot of fun and i was happy to see all of the people that i did see for one last time before i leave. i'm pretty sure i'll return next summer, but i can't be 100% sure. who knows where i'll be. i came home around 3:00 am monday morning and spent the day re-seeing 'pineapple express' (best) and shopping with cait. then tanj, julie, cait, britt, dann and brian came over and we stayed up all night (naturally). i'm going to miss them so much. yesterday was tie-dye/pants/girls night. perfect. we dyed sheets and our hair. punk rock. today i have a lot of misc. things to do before i go to cynthia's for a little party party. i can't believe i have to say goodbye to all of those people tonight. shit. tomorrow i'm hanging out with matt, dann and vanessa. i can't believe i have to say goodbye to them (minus dann), too. sarah is having a fun occasion party :) at hannah's that night and i would like to stop by there, too. i have to see how everything goes. friday i'm going to britt's to say goodbye to a lot more people. saturday me and katy are going to the city to take pictures of my new digs and stuff like that. maybe we can buy me some ray-bans. she teaches me how to be hip, luckily. otherwise i wouldn't have a clue. haha. sunday is "wafflestock" and then i'll possibly, hopefully take a ride up to john's to say farewell to him and beth.

too much, too much.

five artistic things i will do today.

1. finish/work on my "live young, die fast" painting.

2. go on a photog adventure.

3. take atleast two polaroids?

4. write a poem?

5. uh, get a macbook?

today is art day. i feel like i've done nothing artistic this summer, and i only have a few more days until i move into my new home on east 10th street. i gotta have something to make it look like a real new york apartment, right? things have been pretty relaxed lately. i spent a good portion of last week at the beach and played flip cup and thumper with my cousin and his friends. then we went to the beach and got chased around by the police at 2am. i no longer have a job. i'm not too worried about it anymore, because i need some time to myself the next few weeks. i want to see everyone before we all leave. not to mention i haven't done ANYTHING for school, so i might need to get on that. on thursday i leave for NEW ENGLAND and i'm so excited. thursday/friday i'm in boston and then new hampshire until monday. sometime next week we're throwing a hotel party. yeah, yeah, yeah. i feel like i've definitely lost touch with one of my best friends (annie) and that she pretty much hates me now. not sure why, since she was the one who caused the problems in the first place. it's a shame that she probably doesn't even want to see me before we leave for college. i have found a really great group of people that i've been seeing tons of lately, which makes me happy. next weekend i'm going to the prom house again (g street, holla), so hopefully i can stay an extra night and invite the whole crew down there. just to see everyone one last time before winter break (which, might i add, i'm allowed to stay in my dorm for.. so who knows if i'll be home the whole time. why would i not want to stay in ny?).

five things that have happened to the poor saturn in the last week.

1. starter: fail.

2. battery: dead.

3. brake pads: gone.

4. tires: bald (ha).

5. check engine light: on again.

my poor car. so much bad luck lately. but the weather is really wonderful. you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. OH, the facts of life! i think since i'm car-less right now i'm going to clean my room (long overdue) and go on a bike ride with danny. later on is the balloon festival! and chrisfest! and stuff. tomorrow i have to work (ruining my life since june 2008) from FOUR to MIDNIGHT, but luckily i'll be heading to bk's after for some fun. sunday i'll be seeing BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. everything is. i would say everything is bad (work, car, court, mom's broken wrist) but everything is also good (weather, friends, macbooks). everything is canceling out. so everything just is. i can't complain.

five cool things about being eighteen.

1. strip clubs.

2. tobacco.

3. porn.

4. voting, i guess.

5. tattoos.

even though none of these things really apply to me or my hobbies at all, it's good to know what my options are. i've been contemplating starting a video blog in conjunction with this, but first i'll have to get my macbook. this birthday (technically yesterday, the 16th) was a very adventurous and exciting one. i saw a lot of extremely attractive men and spent the day waltzing around philadelphia with caity poo. i've finally uploaded some pictures from the last few months, so i guess i'll share them and explain what the haps are. of course i can't edit any of them because my computer doesn't have enough memory to open up the program or something. i also have no memory to upload any of the awesome cds i just got. oh yeah, hot water music + the loved ones + the fashion + american fucking steel! + alkaline trio were all awesome these last few days.

i went to florida and it was pretty beautiful.

i've been to philly like the last three our of four days of my life.

i have done so much ghost hunting, shit.

i just thought this was cute. her nose got cut off, but whatever.

five lyrics i absolutely love from the new trio album.

1. i've shown you just how weak my knees can get, so don't let go.

2. i'm diving in, don't follow me, i'll be back for you someday.

3. i wish you'd just stop showing off for the rest of us that no one wants to love.

4. cause i might break and i might bend, your heartstrings out of tune again.

5. we thought you might've swam out to sea, you gotta stop sneaking off on me.

lately i've come down with the cait disease and i feel like everyone hates me. well, not everyone. more like two people. yeah, that's all. and they probably don't, but i don't know. i don't anything about people. i just know that i usually like all of them. yeah, anyway.. i closed tonight and when i finished up (at midnight, wtf) i had something really nice from someone really nice waiting for me. basically, it just confused me. haha. but it was nice feeling nice after having to feel like iced mocha shit for five hours. the reason i'm feeling so weird is because i really love listening to the alkaline trio album. some of the tracks are just like "fuck! i want somebody to love!" ahaha. there are so many good things on tele tonight (soul plane, next), but i'm going to bed. big night in philly tomorrow. 

five things i've recently received in the mail!

1. letter from dann :)

2. report card :(

3. graduation card from miss kelly :)

4. nyu stuff :)

5. graduation card from beanie :)

i like mail, and that's why i'm sending everyone postcards from florida.. where i'm going in about 14ish hours. we leave from philly at 7am and then i'm faced with absolutely no worries/troubles/work for the next seven days. i'm incredibly excited for this peninsula adventure. the only thing i have to really do is write my article (deadline=the day after i get home), but i've been coaching myself to enjoy writing. maybe i'll even write a few poems or stories when i'm down there. i'm certainly going to take a lot of pictures and listen to all of my new music. i actually have quite a few things to do tonight before i go.. a) shopping b) packing! remembering everything! c) uploading alllllll of my new music d) updating my iPod. e) return things to the library. f) upload all of my camera pictures and then delete them so i have maximum room. i'm mostly worried about packing because i need to remember things like my cameras, notebooks, pens, clothes, sunglasses, towels!, reading materials.

i've crossed a few things off of my summer to-do list, and hope to do some more in the upcoming week while i'm out of state. brian lent me "jay and silent bob strike back" and i'm pretty sure kelly is bringing her portable dvd player. OH! i watched a fantastic movie called "wristcutters" the other day and lent it to my dad (because tom waits is in it, duh) and he also loved it. i'm also bringing "the punk rock book of lists" and "rant" because it's light/fun reading as opposed to things like "prozac nation" and "the rum diary".  yeah, that's my reasoning.

let me now write about an adventure that happened to myself, cait, britt, jeff, brian, danny and mike motza yesterday. so we were innocently on our way to go see LESS THAN JAKE and GOLDFINGER in my mother's mini-van (which i borrowed to fit everyone).  then, on 287 south near route 1 (in the middle lane, no less).. the check engine light came on.. followed by every other light in the car.. followed by the loss of the brakes and the loss of the gas.. followed by white smoke pouring in from the vents.. followed by the engine smoking.. basically, the engine seized and now the car is pretty useless. we then stood on the side of 287 for a long time until we were rescued.  oh, what a night. then we all just came back here, cried about not going to the show and swam and hookah'd. but atleast we're still alive.

be back in seven days, blog.

five things i got at the library today.

1. jenny lewis and the watson twins - rabbit fur coat

2. flight of the conchords season 1

3. sleater kinney - all hands on the bad one

4. notes on a scandal

5. common - finding forever

plus a lot of others. the library may be my new favorite place in the world, next to time to eat. the only reason i say that is because cait, britt, jill and i went there last night and a lot of strange things happened and we laughed a lot a lot and it was pretty entertaining. much like the library was today when danny and i went. we got so many things and i can keep them for a whole week and even renew them online! wow! i got a letter from dann in the mail and i'm very excited to read it. i'm also excited to watch "wristcutters: a love story" tonight (thx, library) with annie and gracie and to go night swimming. i'm excited to work at noble tomorrow and walk out of fye for the last time tonight. i'm excited to go ghost-hunting tomorrow night and have a sleepover at sarah's house for the first time. saturday i'm excited to see LESS THAN JAKE and GOLDFINGER. sunday i'm excited to leave for key west and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but read and listen to music and go in the ocean and party and sleep for AN ENTIRE WEEK. maybe knock some things off the to-do list while i'm down there.

five songs that alkaline trio played on friday that made me incredibly happy.

1. GOODBYE FOREVER.

2. old school reasons.

3. she took him to the lake.

4. i lied my face off.

5. armageddon.

now that i've heard goodbye forever, i'm pretty sure i can leave the world a lot happier. the show on friday was a lot of fun for being in the back of the crowd (something i've never really done, but i was so tired that i think if i had been near the front i would have passed out). tonight we're (cait,jeff,mike,brian) going to the free show at monmouth mall. tomorrow at eleven i'm going to start learning the art of overpriced coffee making. 

five things i'll miss about high school.

1. real good friends.

2. not having to worry.

3. b.s. classes.

4. living near everyone.

5. the IMC.

so, yesterday i graduated and i still don't feel any different. weird that i'll never see some of these people again in my life? sure. but this summer i'll see who i want to see and we'll do things i feel we should do. i still have to write down my summer to-do list, but i haven't had any extra minutes. wednesday night some people came over and we enjoyed our first night of summer (except it was an early night, considering someone planned graduation at 8:30am). yesterday i graduated, went out to lunch, went to the MALL and came home and slept. then at 9:15 we left for philly.. got back this morning at 6:30. it was fun! i liked taking pictures of people. i came home and slept again. i just woke up.. need to shower and then we're off to see alkaline trio! holy shit! tomorrow is cayce's party, sunday is alkaline trio, monday is work/cynthia's party, tuesday is alkaline trio, wednesday is alkaline trio, thursday is work, friday/saturday is work until seven. i need to start my to-do list.. so those two nights will probably consist of adventuring and to-do-ing. sunday i leave for key west or something for like a week. i don't actually know what's happening with that, but i'm pretty sure i got a plane ticket today. hahah. adventure.

five sentences that prove henry rollins is a genius.

1. "i don't read books because anyone who writes them must be oppressive and insecure."

2. "now, i only want to be near you and give you everything."

3. "nothing we do will ever be understood, rather feared and kept well away from."

4. "i'm moving pretty fast these days, but i still think of you."

5. "i expect nothing from everyone, so i am rarely ever let down."

i would like to write like henry rollins one day. and speak like him, too. i would like to have life experiences like he has to give me something to write about. i could write about how amazing prom weekend was, and how close i became with some friends and how distant i became with others, but i think that this picture of cynthia passed out on the hardwood speaks more volumes than even henry rollins could write.

five reasons i'm awake right now (11:51 pm).

1. hanging out with knockout theory/interview until 4:30.

2. awkward dinner with belsky until 9:15.

3. rummaging through jess' house until 9:40.

4. physics problem set until 10:30.

5. packing for prom weekend until 11:51.

everything for this entire weekend has to be ready by the time i wake up for school tomorrow. every time i think i'm done, i think of something else that has to go. and then, of course, i have to think about what i need to keep at my house for the next day and a half.  hopefully everything works out. prom preparations are almost complete. PS: DARK KNIGHT COASTER AT GREAT ADVENTURE IS OPEN. i had to write that down while the commercial was on. anyway, a few of us are going to the beach after school tomorrow.  i'm going to wear the same pair of shorts two days in a row to school, so i hope no one notices. not that it matters, because they're only gym shorts. whatever, i dressed like a dude everyday this week because this week has been horrible (stress wise) and my hair has looked like shit 24/7.  you know what a weird feeling is? wanting to tell someone something, but not being able to because it could either: make the rest of your relationship with this someone incredibly awkward or make it incredibly amazing. not being able to because i'm frankly quite afraid. other things: new weezer album is awesome! and barnes and noble called me up for an interview today! hell yeah!

five headlines i read just now.

1. "bruce springsteen, mastodon"

2. "hanging out with condoleeza rice, still extremely rich"

3. "r. kelly trial: video not fake, kelly's mole visible"

4. "cool v. uncool guide to dancing men" (so good)

5. "built to spill to tour u.s. in the fall"

i like news. i'm incredibly tired right now and should REALLY and truly do my physics homework but i'd rather sit outside by my pool and read gossip magazines. i have to upload a lot of pictures and type up prom stuff tonight, too. i probably won't do my physics homework. so my party last night i made a playlist called "first night of (unofficial) summer" because i don't care about school anymore! so this weekend was awesome. friday after school we had a prom meeting at panera/borders and prom weekend is going to be amazing. yep. after the meeting cait, lindsay, britt and i went to the belmar house. the ride down was awesome and we just blasted good tunes and yelled out of the windows. when we got down there we went to the beach until like 7:30. climbed on the jetties, linds and britt SWAM. crazy. then we went into the town square to watch an irish band. we danced. after working up an appetite dancing, we headed to surf taco. after surf taco we walked home, BOOZE CRUISE, went for ice cream, screamed things at the police officers.. went back to the house around 11 and played some board games and painted. then we watched "are you afraid of the dark?" and screamed like babies. but it was great. we woke up early that morning, went back to my house/garage sale-d, lindsay's car died in front of my house. :( i had to go to work. then i went to the knockout theory/waffle stompers/crash romeo show! but crash romeo sucked because they didn't even have the fucking courtesy to stick around and watch knockout theory. i felt it was really uncalled for. anyway.. after the show we had a party of my house. a lot of awesome people showed up and we had a really chill time. the last people left around 5:30 this morning, so it truly was an all-nighter. quite great, though, and i loved everyone who was there.

five reasons i should be hired by starbucks.

1. i need to get out of FYE.

2. i know how to make a carmel frappucino (thx, kim smith).

3. i enjoy the compilation cds they make (second wave? awesome).

4. one of the guys working there said i look "fun". (coffee, too, is fun)

5. free coffee.

i applied there yesterday and went back today. i also applied for a job at oakley (for obvious reasons..), but i'm really hoping i get the starbucks job. jeez, me and corporate america are like bffl, aren't we? but honestly, i think that i need to be somewhere that people actually go to and buy things. i need to be somewhere with a tip jar and more than two people working at a time. i need to be somewhere i don't have to wear GRAY. the upside to working at oakley would be that i go into it knowing four people who already work there and actually enjoying the company of those four. but i want to meet new people! i want to drink (er, serve) coffee and pretend to be cooler than i actually am. what else did i do today? all of my shopping for prom is basically done, which is a relief. tomorrow i have to do more shopping, though, for the remainder of the prom items, new running shoes, and party supplies for saturday night.  i also have to put together a playlist for the party, clean my room, clean my car, clean my house, pack up for the overnight belmar trip, upload the photos on my camera, download music and generally get my life organized. all of this while somehow meeting kelly at 6PM. i was going to pull a late night tonight, but now i'm too tired. shopping makes me tired and cranky and i'm glad i have the next seven hours to sleep.

five reasons everyone should see the flaming lips.

1. sing-along versions of 'yoshimi'.

2. balloons, confetti, strobe lights.

3. nude people dancing on stage.

4. WAYNE COYNE.

5. they cover led zep.

now, i may say this about a lot of show but right now i'm being super serious. the flaming lips put on the best live show i've ever seen. jam on the river saturday night was an extraordinary experience that i'm glad to have shared with anna, ro and vic. it was absolutely ridiculous. philly, especially on the waterfront, especially on the fourth floor of the dave & busters parking garage, especially when livin' on a prayer is playing in the background, especially at midnight, is breathtaking. i enjoyed every second of this weekend. from allentown and the clinton diner to seaside park to philadelphia to 2am quickchek runs to the cheesecake factory to bryan's house today.. everything was awesome. i got a really good tan because i was outside for 98% of the last four days. to add on to all of the good things happening: i got an e-mail about a job offering at crossings magazine. and i have a minimal amount of journalism homework and ONE review to write and then i'm off to shower and get some well deserved sleep. this upcoming week is going to be a bit hectic, but i'll survive.

five things memorial day weekend will bring, day-by-day.

1. chipotle/allentown show/clinton diner/sleepover.

2. great adventure!/the beach.

3. festival in philly: the flaming lips!

4. bryan's bbq

5. work!

so, the fifth day isn't that exciting as is, but hopefully after work i'll at least go to a movie or something. weekend forecast (note:nottheweather) looks pretty darn good. may has flown by and june is right around the corner. this means: prom and graduation. i can't believe how quickly things are happening. on a side note, right now i'm watching my super sweet sixteen and waiting for my hair to dry. this girl on the show has just handed out her invitations and the next thing she said was: "now the pressure's on to find a venue." i would really like to know what she wrote on the invitation if she didn't even know where the party was going to be. tonight=pheasants landing with everyone! i'm excited/anxious/sad all at the same time. many pictures will be taken.

five playlists i keep playing.

1. "on the go 3" (all alkaline trio songs!)

2. "goodbye, goodbye"

3. "march madness"

4. "when it pains, it roars"

5. "i can't believe i forgot HWM"

really though, i can't bring myself to listen to actual albums anymore. it's all about playlists. it's like i'm afraid to branch out to normal shuffle on my iPod. it's like i need to hear songs that i already know i picked out. most of my playlists do flow really nicely, though, so it's nice to hear things that go together. like mondays and new releases or thursdays and shopping. i always end up going shopping with kelly on thursday nights (as long as i'm not working). tomorrow i'm going to get my hair cut and colored first. then we're off to the mall for some chipotle probably, then some old navy to use some coupons. some some some. weird word if you say it enough times in a row. i'm working for the third night in a row. that's weird, too.

i also must give a shout out to a special friend of mine, mrs. dj. :) hello! and thank you again for the kind words. <3

five things i needa do.

1. scholarship essay.

2. last two weeks worth of journalism work.

3. physics homework!

4. get tickets for less than jake.

5. plan the trip to the bronx.

the bronx trip shouldn't be that bad. jennifer lopez is from there, so really, how terrible can it be? i'm excited to travel. that's all. this week has gone by so fast.. or so it seems. it's already thursday tomorrow and it rarely counts because i have AP testing all morning (fack). friday night looks like caberet and the beach.. saturday looks like the beach and free bbq/show. sunday looks like mothers day! and it always looks like rain. matt lax comes home in a few days and i'm hoping he's finally "ready" to sleep over my house, because we have a years worth of catching up to do. also: the weather was beautiful today AND i'm looking for a new bicycle and a nice place to ride it. uhhh, my big redneck wedding is on right now (a gem that i accidentally discovered one night). time to watch it and sleep some!

five places i'll see alkaline trio this summer.

1. new york city.

2. philadelphia.

3. lancaster!

4. allentown.

5. freehold.

there are a few more, i believe. but really, this summer is just all about alkaline trio and roadtrips. alkaline adventures! my favorite alliteration. brandon also informed me of a HOT WATER MUSIC SHOW IN PHILLY! one day before alkaline trio in new yawk. i can't wait. the first show i've got (aside from crash romeo/knockout theory) coming up is tiger army on may 17th. it should be really good, considering i've never really been to a 'rockabilly' show. i'm pretty sure that's what tiger army is considered these days. it's currently 10:49 and i'm about to clean whatever is under my bed. i would like to go to bed, but i still have a lot to do on today's to-do list. and i keep looking at my cds and i keep getting frustrated about how messy they all look. i got a few new ones (signed copy of dan potthast's 'eat the planet'!!) and they have NO PLACE TO GO. i hate that feeling. i want my life to be organized right now and it's just not. today was supposed to be my 'get everything done!' day, but i went out for a little while. i'll try again tomorrow, but i'm going to see harold and kumar instead. and i have a meeting after school which i need to organize myself for right now. this weekend, though, should be pretty nice. belmar for the weekend, again! last weekend i went down with cait, lindsay, britt and met two new awesome people, matt and dale. it was pretty righteous. but this beach weekend is going to be hectic.. last weekend at the house, which means cleaning and moving and prepping. saturday night rio and i will be in attendance of a free bbq and crash romeo musical production. life in general rools, except for the fact that i need to get mah shit togetha.

five places i will travel to this summer.

1. [sour home] chicago.

2. boston.

3. sonic!

4. new hampshire.

5. new york.

i want to follow someone around the country. (alkaline trio?) i want to do something this summer. right now i want to: complete housing forms, mail things, do my homework, do alright in physics. i want to like my new boss who starts on tuesday, but i doubt that's going to happen. i'll forever miss any and all previous bosses. i want to keep in touch with them. i want to get my ears pierced and hair dyed and go to college looking like i'm about to start something new. college. kaufman completed her housing forms and it's looking like it's going to be me, her and someone new. i'm so excited. to not go at it alone. i'll have so many people that i really, really care about there with me. i feel like i'm going to be living the song "olympia, wa" that was on that rancid/nofx split.

five recent mixes.

1. goodbye, goodbye.

2. so you want to be a lion?

3. can you dig it!

4. i can't believe i forgot HWM.

5. front porch songs.

i have given up on all capital letters. it's not me and it never was, so who was i trying to fool? ha. i'm annoying at the fact that i keep putting off my physics problem set (and it's the only class i get homework in). well, i'm not really annoyed at this, but rather annoying that i'm losing sleep over it. i just really like my teacher and would hate for him to think badly of me. he's the only teacher that i have right now that i can say that about. but for the last few nights it's been incomplete, i've been staying up really late and just thinking about it. the only reason i'm not doing it is because i really don't know how to. somehow, i got a B on the midterm. happy times.. this week has been really beautiful and i've been spending it out all day and night.. which makes me really tired. yet i don't sleep! the great paradox of our time, i guess. today i wrote a poem for the reading tomorrow.  i would post it, but someone that can't read it may read it and think bad things are happening when they really aren't (but sometimes i wish they could!).  sometimes i pride myself on making so much sense that my words are often non-sensical. after the reading, it's going to be like 75 degrees! most likely i'll skip my elan meeting (er, postpone it) to hang out with kelisi and jyo.. then i have to waste my beautiful night at FYE. boo. it wouldn't be so bad (or bad at all) if i didn't have to wear that damn uniform. seriously. tonight i also finished my painting for jb and completed a mix for belsky. awesome.. but i still haven't done my physics homework. i also have to send letters out to: dann, matt, ingo. on saturday, after i make the trip up to trader joe's to get stuff to send to all those boys (minus ingo.. he only gets a cd). final thoughts: tonight kelly and i saw prom night and we were the only ones in the theatre. scary shit! she also got a haircut, which motivated me to make an appointment.

Five Best Driving Driving In The Rain At Night Songs

1. 'You Don't Know Me', Michael Buble

2. 'Lua', Bright Eyes

3. 'Sorry About That', Alkaline Trio

4. 'Incident on 57th Street', Bruce Springsteen

5. 'Hold On', Tom Waits

It's currently monsooning outside and I wish I were at the Alesi house on their porch, but I'm happy to be home.  I didn't go home after school today.  I had dress clothes in my weekend bag.  I find myself packing 'weekend bags' because I'm usually hopping around all weekend.  But anyway, from my after school errands, I picked up Danny and we drove to Bryan's.  We spent the majority of the time and the majority of my gas tank cruising around downtown Washington listening to death metal and Slayer.  Yep.  At one stop light, this car full of meathead boys were like "YO, COME FOLLOW USSSS."  So I did for about a block, then we all went back to Bryan's and jammed in his basement.  Well, I watched.  I did play the drums for three seconds, though.  After Bryan's I hung out at Annie's for a little bit.  Zach had left already, so we just chilled.  It was good, except I was still in dressy clothes.  Boo.

I drove home in the RAIN and it was awesome, except my windshield wipers are sort of effed up.  I came home and there were strange cars in my driveway.  Dennis had some of his friends over and none of them were gone.. Usually when they come over they're gone by ten because they're old men who go to sleep at eleven.  So them being there at midnight was weird.  But anyway, there were in my basement and it was uncomfortable.  I was introduced and disappeared into my sleeping quarters, which are still in the basement so I could hear them talking and stuff.

Today was Chen's birthday and I made some sweet cupcakes with 'Happy Birthday' written on them in Chinese.  That was the highlight of the day, I think.  From what I can recall.  I'm in sort of a sleepy akljsdlsakj right now.  I'm going to two parties tomorrow, a show on Sunday and then I have finals Monday and Tuesday and then the fourth quarter will start and I'll graduate.

Cool.  Oh, also, I feel like a jerk.  And I meant to say that Coyote Ugly is truly one of the lamest movies I've ever seen.  Ever.

Five Reasons For Lack Of Updates.

1. Good weather!  Adventures every day.

2. Trying not to fail these final few classes.

3. The Lit Mag must be done for printing by the 18th.

4. Memorizing the new CR album.

5. Tons of new music, in general.

This week I spent too much money on music.  I bought things like: The Gaslight Anthem, Slapstick, Minor Threat, Black Flag, The Adolescents, some AM! vinyl, Whole Wheat Bread, Lemonheads and I finally completed the Face to Face discography.  Sweet.  Life has been exciting and full of wonderful weather.  I'm mentally done with all things school.  I'm going out in a few minutes and not coming home until after dark.  Nice.  Tomorrow I'm sleeping at the Belmar house, followed by working Saturday until 9:30, then a good party at JM's house which includes foozball and fondue.  Today during Elan I learned that Scotty B., aside from wanting to grow up and be a book, had a labret piercing and peroxide blonde hair that was later dyed blue.

Crazy.

Five Things I've Done On Break So Far

1. Pillow fight.

2. "That baby sounded like it was dying on that greyhound bus."

3. Finally saw Harold & Kumar.

4. Dance party party at Fee's.

5. Left my purse at said party.

But Cynthia is dropping it off for me on her way to Kara's.  Life saver.  Things have been really fun so far, and they're only going to get better. I would go into detail, but today is a very busy day.  I have to work later.  Kelly was having a party, but now her parents are coming home.  Whoops.  Haha.  I'll be able to finally sleep in my bed, something I haven't done since Thursday (?) night.

Five Things I Bought In My Dream Last Night

1. A new (no, like really new) Chuck Ragan alb?

2. Yellow Misfits vinyl?

3. Front row Bruce Springsteen tickets?

4. Ray Bans?

5. A party bus?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN.  Maybe I bought all of this because I got my bank statement today and realized I need to stop spending money.  Oh boy.  At this rate, I'll have the same amount of money for the rest of my life.  The amount I deposited was three dollars more than the amount I withdrew.  Ha.  Except, I did get my tax returns back today.  Awesome, awesome.  Spring break is going to suck the money right out of me, though.  Phewwww, not good.  It's 9:09.. I have one more paragraph (well, half) to go on my paper and for some reason I just can't do it.  I've been sitting here for thirty minutes and I'm just like: "blaaaaaaaah, I don't like this book, this topic, this paper".  But this has been really easy.  I wasn't even stressed that I had to do this Literary Critical Analysis essay in one night.  I got home at 4, worked on it for two hours, went to Franks for dinn-ur, came back and worked one more hour.  Three hours.. six pages.. Now I'm bored and I still don't like Shakespeare or this topic or english class.  I still have to read the Metamorphisis (suck it, Kafka.  Seriously) and study a bunch for Eurrrrrrro.  Lame.  Wednesday tomorrow.  I have to work.  I'm buying Danny that edition of Dookie that's out of print.  The one with Ernie on the back of it.  And I'm buying an Elvis CD because all of the sudden I love him. Also.. I can't find my 'I Lied My Face Off' EP?  Like, the one Mike Park sent me a little while ago because he found more in his garage?  What the hell.  It's bothering me.  I will not rest until it is gefunden.  In the immortal words of Anti-Flag: "Fuck the world, fuck 'em all!"  I don't know.. maybe I'll go see Anti-Flag.  I think they're touring.  Lord knows no one else is.. Right now my life consists of waiting for that damn Alkaline Trio tour to happen already.

Later: I finish my paper at 10:33 after an hour of just sitting in my room and listening to Superchunk.  Whoops.  I should have atleast taken a shower or something.  I just want these next two days to be over and spring break to begin.  I hope I don't have to work at all, because I have numerous plans every single day and work would just be a drag.  The only days I'm willing to work are my usual Monday nights and Wednesday morning into the evening and pppossibly on Saturday before the Curmudgeon show?  But not really, because I want to go into the city and look at residence halls.  OK, okay, that's all.

Five Best Songs On Goddamnit!

1. As You Were

2. Cop

3. Clavicle

4. Message From Kathlene

5. Sorry About That

I love this album so much.  All of it.  I just want an excuse to write about how sad I am that I still haven't found the CD/DVD anywhere.  The woman at Hot Topic in Woodbridge Mall was being a bit of a bitch to me after I asked.  "You know, it's not a new album.  It's actuallyyyyy a reissue of something they put out about ten years ago.."  Bitch, please.  Why assume I don't know that?  I'm fairly certain I probably definitely know more about Alkaline Trio than you ever could.  Just because my makeup doesn't look like I drew on my face with a giant Crayola marker, just because I don't kill the ozone trying to get my hair into that perfect tri-hawk, just because I don't have tattoos of shit that I will later regret, just because I don't work at HOT TOPIC.. does not make me less inclined to know about Alkaline Trio.  Why be so rude?

Five Things I Should Be Doing Right Now

1. "Colonialism In The Tempest: A Shitty Lit Analysis"

2. "What is Existentialism?: A Shitty Answer"

3. Reading The Stranger and responding to it.

4. PHYSICS.

5. Cleaning.

I think I say this everyday, but.. I'm a terrible student who never does anything.  What the hell.  Today I hung around school for a bit with Grace after my hour meeting with Scotty.  For being a teacher, sometimes he's pretty mean (?).  Most of it is just sarcasm, I hope, but I'm not used to it coming from teachers.  Like when he told me I was eternally damned, or when he told me to use the tape to tape my mouth shut, or when he told me he didn't hate me.. he loathed me.  But basically, I'm not doing any of that homework he assigned because I'm going to the MET tomorrow!  New York City, center of the universe!  So instead of doing homework, I'm taking and uploading some photos (like the one above).  I'm starting to burn those mixes.  I'm painting a picture, I'm writing a poem.  I'm feeling a little sick after the food I just had with Danny.  We went to this new "southwestern" place in Branchburg.  Yeah, gross.  He seemed to like it.  On the way back, we listened to They Shoot Horses, Don't They? and it was fun.  We took TWO polaroids while driving.  Dangerous.  But that's how I like to live.  Hahahahaha.  I'm going to take good polaroids when I hang out with Matt tomorrow.  Or atleast try to.  He is too wonderful to be so far away from me all of the time, seriously.

Also.. I'm semi-seriously debating going to Bamboozle even though it's really lame and too much money and the bands will probably play for fifteen minutes, but..

Sunday, May 4th's Line-Up:
Anti-Flag
Finch
Less Than Jake
The Bouncing Souls
The Starting Line

Five Things On My Desk

1. Descendents' "Everything Sucks"

2. Crash Romeo guitar pick.

3. Razor?

4. Cigar box?

5. A sign that says "Social Expert".

Strange how strange things all find a strage way to all go to the same strange place.  Today was a very good day because Jyo, Becca and Brian all got into NYU and Brian will probbbbbbbbably be going there next year.  I'm on a mission to convince the other two.  Today was beautiful so me and Danny took a joyride, listened to Streetlight and played some basketball.  Right now I'm waiting for Alf to get here to go out again, even though I have RIDIC amounts of homework to do tonight (Euro project due tomorrow, English paper due Thursday.. when does 4th quarter start?) plus finish the spring mixes but make a cover for them (+ get copies of this) plus write a poem plus paint a birthday present plus a bunch of other shit.  Oh yeah, I also don't have a car right now.  But atleast I'll be in New York City on Thursday and this weekend isn't too eventful so I can getterdone.   Last night, EVERYONE came to the store.  Katy, Alejandro, Albert, Steven.. It was crazy, but made the 7 hours I was there a little less painful.  The next thing I write will not be at random or so random.  I swear.

But what I really wanted to say was my Alkaline Trio Goddamnit Redux limited edition black splatter vinyl is THE SWEETEST THING EVER CREATED.  I think I enjoy it more than the HWM/Alk3 picture disc, but I'm not sure because that vinyl is pretty damn cool.  Spin spin spin spin.  God, I could just look at records forever.  I really need to go through all of them soon and see what I need to get holders for.  I feel bad that I just keep most of the Trio ones lined up on my wall.  Me and Alexander are about to start watching Family Guy: Blue Harvest because I could care less about homework at this point in my day.  But first... The greatest thing to ever have come in the mail.  Also, there's a cop driving up and down my (dead end) road with a spotlight and we're about to call the 5-0 to see if we should be concerned.  Also, I found out today that the name of the sexual predator on my (dead end) road has close to the same last name as Mr. D, minus the "Di".

Five Lyrics From Spring Into Spring

1. Where we're coming from, YEAH, will be the death of us!

2. It's a gamble, double down or don't.  Step out if you want to, stay in if you're bold.. And roll.

3. And we say goodbyeeee and go undergrouuuund, or up towards the sky, up in smoke burnt down to size.  Atleast we're still friends, atleast we're still alive.

4. What has tried swapping your blood with formaldehyde?  Monsters?

5. Now she's a little boy in Spain playing pianos filled with flames.

I really love this mix because it's so good to listen to with the windows down.  I wish it wasn't pouring today.. I had a lot of good outdoor plans.  Now my plans consist of driving Kelly somewhere, going out with Danny to a few places.. Tonight I'm taking pictures at The Break contest in Pompton Lakes.  Crash Romeo will be there, soo.. naturally, I'm game.  I have to make the cover for this mix so I can hand it out.  I've been saying that forever.  I need to get it done by next Thursday because Kara and I are exchanging some mixes at the poetry meeting.  I need to write a poem.  Last night was a lot of fun.  I hung out with Kayla and Dana and we just did a lot of neccessary catching up.  We watched Ratatouille!!! and the Skeleton Key (my God, Peter Sarsgaard is so beautiful).  I had the STRANGEST dream that I started dating this guy that is friends with some of my friends (but I don't really know him, aside from pictures and whatnot, but he's cute) and then we got married and ended up living in Philadelphia.  I have no idea how any of this came to be, but he had a Star Wars tattoo so that sealed the deal.  I took some fun pictures today.  Yeah.  I'll take more later at the show, even though I don't want to drive to Pompton in such rain.  But I can't really change the weather.  This is why it has to be Spring.  And what the hell.. I thought it was APRIL showers that bring May flowers, not MARCH downpours everyday.

Five Reasons Work Makes Me Sad

1. I still make less money than everyone else.  Not that I care about this, but it's worth a mention.

2. People who do nothing get more hours than me.

3. People who hate FYE get more hours than me.

4. I never see the people I want to see.

5. No one shops there.

It was really depressing parting with FYE tonight because John was like.. Soo, I guess I won't see you until next Saturday?  Yeah, he won't.  FYE will not see me forever.  I just want someone to explain it to me.  Am I not doing a good job?  Two of my managers have told me that I'm a good employee, yet the third manager happens to be the one in charge of the schedule and gives me ten hours a week.  That's roughly $52 a paycheck.. Gas costs me $41 a week.  What really gets me upset, though, is that I've been there for 17 months and I have the least amount of hours.  OKAY.  I would really like to vent and say about thirty obscenities, but I won't because I really love my job.  It just makes me sad sometimes.   I should go see if Curmudgeon needs any help.  EVEN though we have a bigger selection of CDs, I think.  Obviously you can't find cheap vinyl, but we have so many used CDs.  If you really had the time, you should go to FYE and shop because you can find a lot of cheap stuff and some stuff that's out of print.  For instance, the other day I bought The Jesus & Mary Chain for $5.  That's crazy.  And I also took the Kate Nash promo because it was free (duh) and John told me it's really good.  Work makes me sad because I never get to work and never get to talk about music.  Tonight alone we talked about the new We Are Scientists album, this new band The Cribs, Bloc Party, Kate Nash, Oregon, Black Sabbath \m/.  I just like talking about music with people who actually know shit about music.  What am I getting at?  I know I'm not getting Alkaline Trio from FYE next Tuesday.  Fuck.  Or should I say Goddamnit! (Hahahahahhaha, Alkaline Trio humor..)  I ordered the limited edition vinyl but it's still not here.  I can't wait to get it and watch everything and listen to everything in all of it's remastered gloryyyyyyyyy.  I can't wait for a tour.  If it's in the summer, I'm totally roadtripping to Boston to catch the Boston show.  It's already been decided that I am in attendance of all of the New Jersey/New York/Penn shows.  I blow all of my money on music.  All of the extra $12 of my weekly paycheck goes to The Jesus and motherfucking Mary Chain.

Five Things I Loved About Today

1. Good weather (a little windy).

2. Good pictures.

3. Good people.

4. Good adventures.

5. Good scenic routes.

My shot sucked, but that's okay because I spent the day with people I really love starting from 8:40 in the morning and it's still going.  Cayce and I went on a super fun adventure today and found a nice old house/funeral home/graveyard/barn/everything in Alexandria Township.  I finally went to "Bucks" and it was super cute and cuddly.  It looks like a nice place to work and just hang out in general.  Danny and I are about to hit up Chipotle, even though I'm still really full from the good breakfast I ate this morning and the two cookies I had at lunch.  If I feel motivated enough later (chances are unlikely) I want to do a few things.  I would like to complete all of my homework, I would like to make the cover for the spring mix, I would like to blow-dry my hair after I shower, I would like to pump some iron, I would like to do all of these things, but when I get back at 9pm I probably won't do any of these things.  And we're off!

Five Songs On Repeat Like Crazy

1. "LAX", Big D and the Kids Table

2. "Serious", Crash Romeo

3. "Point/Counterpoint", Streetlight Manifesto

4. "Rest Of My Life", Less Than Jake

5. "Overrated", Less Than Jake

"Like Crazy" is the ultimate Dr. Chow throwback.  I miss him.  "Like Crazy" has also been my life lately.  Life has been.. liiiiiiike.. crazy.  But it's alright.  Thanks to whatever made me go out and buy that calendar because it's been a lifesaver.  March events alone include: seven different Crash Romeo shows (stalk much?), Elan meetings forever, hanging out with people that I love, pillow fights in New York City, "Super Saturday!", Westfield on the first day of spring, Strelko shows.  To name a few.  I loved the weather today and it was perfect for the discussion JMo and I had about why people feel the need to clarify that the rain was "wet" when they write poetry.  This is not to say that poems can never say "wet rain", but the amount of poems that say "the cold, wet rain pounded down on the city streets" are more than you would ever think.  Why is the rain always cold?  When is rain NOT wet?  Why is it always on a city street?  Because the smell of wet rain on hot asphault is enough for me to want to stay outside in the rain forever?  Because it reminds you of spring and good weather?  Not nice weather, because rain is not nice weather.  Whether you believe it or not.  But it's good.  It's great weather.  It beads up on your window and trickles down the driveway and you can ride your bike through the puddles.  It's refreshing, like chai tea and tai chi and rhymes that aren't forced.  Perhaps, perhaps, I will write my next poem about rain.  On my window pane.  Cold, wet, glorious rain.  Like cwazy.

Five Things I Will Accomplish Today

1. All of my homework, yo.

2. Deliver show flyers to Hot Topic (yes, it's true).

3. Haircut!

4. Sell back stuff to work, buy new stuff from work.

5. Rip 30 Days of Night, Hairspray, and 24 Hour Party People onto the computer.  Maybe even watch one of them.

It's so nice to keep the Sabbath and not go to work.  I would like to do the same thing next Sunday so I can go to the record show!  And Brian's show!  Shows shows shows shows shows.  Hopefully I'll go to some good ones (besides the three Crash Romeo shows) over break, but I'm not sure anyone good is touring right now.  I'll have to ask Rio. Speaking of anyone good.. Next weekend is going to be prime.  I'm hanging out with Kayla and Daney on Friday night and I'm pumped.  I haven't seen them in forever.  I love seeing people I love.  I also love Dashboard Confessional (yes, it's true) and I don't care!  NYU is sending me my e-mail address soooon.

Five Bands That Should Still Be Together!

1. Face to Face

2. Jawbreaker

3. Reggie & The Full Effect

4. Hot Water Music

5. One Man Army

Face to Face is playing Bamboozle left!! :( Actually, like a ton of good bands are playing Bamboozle Left and our Bamboozle will probably be shitty, like it almost always is.  I HEARD through the grapevine that Jawbreaker is getting back together, but I'm not sure I trust the source.  Don't get me started on Reggie.. Let me just say that My Chemical Romance was a fine band the way it was and the line-up should not have changed and James Dewees should still be with Regg.  I feel like Hot Water Music never broke up, but they should atleast record a new album.. They already got the tour and everything..  I'm still a bit bitter about not seeing that show.  I really want to see the Larry Armsssssss stilllllll and HWM duh, of course.  Duh.  Alkaline Trio should tour with them!  NO. Alkaline Trio needs to do a traveling festival with all of the bands I just listed + TLA.  And the Falcon can play, too!  Since they'll be there already.  Hm.  Today I got 150 copies of the Crash Romeo flyer and I think everyone should come to the show.  Thursday, March 27th at FYE.  Aside from that, I did a few other productive things and the only thing I still have left to accomplish is this Euro outline about the end of WWI.  Hm.  I took off on Sunday because of the video shoot that I can no longer go to.  Now I have a whole Sunday OFF.  I think I'll probably go to the beach, even though I should stay home and do all of my homework.  To end this: I love Point/Counterpoint a whole lot.

Edit:  As soon as I finished this and walked upstairs, Dennis asked me if I wanted to go see My Chemical Romance at the Garden on the 9th.  Hahahahha.  It's with Taking Back Sunday.  Hmmmm, decisions.

Five Best Springsteen Songs

1. Born to Run

2. Jungleland

3. Thunder Road

4. Growing Up

5. You'll Be Coming Down

I really have no idea where "Magic" is.  The last thing I remember is giving it to Alexander without putting it on my computer first.  That was a mistake.  I hope the Boss plays these when I go see him.  Uh, in other news.. I'm really over school on nights where I have better things to do.  For instance, today I drove around with Katie, went to Chipotle, hung out in my driveway, went for pizza in Washington Township, saw a basketball game, played basketball and came home to heaps of homework.  I'm only doing an hours worth tonight, and whatever isn't done can get done sometime tomorrow.  Or I should really just hand everything in late.  I wish I could be a bad student.  Tommy's game made me want to try out for the basketball team next year.  I would have to start hardcore conditioning like.. right now, but I realized that I really love basketball and giving it up was probably the stupidest thing I've done so far.  That's the only thing I regret about high school.  Tomorrow I'm staying home all night, I SWEAR.  Except for when I have to go out.  I want to be able to sit at home all night and watch television or something normal.  Bruce Springsteen always make me move, though.  Because he's so goddamn epic.  I want to be epic, too.

Five Awesome Things About Vegas

1. Hotels that are beyond awesome.

2. You never have to sleep.

3. Elvis Elvis everywhere.

4. Vegoose!

5. It's in the middle of a desert.

I really enjoyed Las Vegas (which was almost a year ago to date) and I can't stop thinking about going back.  I remember coming off the airplane and walking for hours on end up and down the strip and going to that oxygen bar and never sleeping and the Palace and shows and etc etc.  I'm half-watching a television program on the big LV, which prompted this.  I feel like things are finally calming down and I hardly feel as rushed today as I usually do.  I do, however, have to work 5-10, so that puts a strain on things.  The rest of the week will probably be crazy.  Tomorrow I'm going to Chipotle with some people after school then Tommy's basketball game and out with everyone afterwards, Wednesday I have GHS aaand Elan, Friday is the show!  So yeah, so yeah, so yeah.  I have to write fucking poetry by tonight and give it to Mr. Smith and I just want it to be good and I hope he doesn't hate it.  And I, and I, and I.  I have nothing to write about.

......

My Witness Is The Empty Sky

 

I crossed the Jersey state line with my barefeet on the dashboard

And my cigarette tapping the ashtray exterior of the Chevy

My boyfriend was driving ten miles over the speed limit.

I ran my hand over the Atlantic and traced the waves as

They each took their turn pounding into the sand in a rythm

That matched the song that was playing over the radio.

When the music was gone, I tapped the beat on my left leg

Which was sunburned enough that each count left a mark,

And soon I was busy making five-fingered clouds in a numb red sky.

Until my boyfriend, whose eyes never left the road ahead,

Asked what the hell I was doing and I merely said what I always felt:

"Nothing."

Five Things I Found Out In College Last Night

1. (Name withheld) is with child! Holy shit!

2. "He's trippin' ballllllls."

3. Catch22 is awesome.

4. I love Strawberry Kiwi Gatorade Rain.

5. FLOWERS ON THE HOOKUP CHART.

Oh, Rutgers.  Not sure what else to say about that other than I'm really excited for next year at my schooooool.  However, since I had to wake up at 8:30 in the morning, I got a little lost on the way home because I wasn't following Russel and didn't even have Kauf' with me in the car.

Five Reasons I Should Get A Raise

1. I'm a survivor.  Three staffs?

2. College.

3. I show up on time.

4. I love work.

5. Give me one reason I shouldn't.

I'm planning a show and I'm really excited.  I'm following around a band and I'm really excited.  I still haven't written that poem, but I'm painting tonight so it's all good.  Something creative daily is my goal.  Right after Danny and I go to OLD NAVY because he likes dressing nicely now.  I want one of those hats that fall off your head, but don't really ever fall off.  You know? Edit:  So I got a new pair of jeans and lip balm today from the Nave.  Danny got three shirts.  Then we got dinner for $3 each and it was so filling and neither of us even finished.  I'm such a bad student because, again, I've decided to put off everything until tomorrow and just go to bed right now.  Ahaha.  But I might write that poem first.. Or during my sleep.  I think it's going to be about tattoos.  This Kim Addonizio poem is my inspiration:

First Poem for You

I like to touch your tattoos in complete

darkness, when I can’t see them. I’m sure of

where they are, know by heart the neat

lines of lightning pulsing just above

your nipple, can find, as if by instinct, the blue

swirls of water on your shoulder where a serpent

twists, facing a dragon. When I pull you

to me, taking you until we’re spent

and quiet on the sheets, I love to kiss

the pictures in your skin. They’ll last until

you’re seared to ashes; whatever persists

or turns to pain between us, they will still

be there. Such permanence is terrifying.

So I touch them in the dark; but touch them, trying.